I Blame Steven Tyler

Aerosmith is looking for a new lead singer. No they're not. Wait, maybe they are anyway whether Tyler wants them to or not. It's a clusterfuck in the AeroForce and who knows whether this spin will end with a flourish or the way we saw the last spin end:


According to the Boston Herald, Tyler and his girlfriend partied for 48 hours straight before that fall in Sturgis.

First Tyler hints he's quitting. Then Perry Tweets that the band isn't quitting and they're looking for a new lead singer. Next thing you know, Tyler's onstage with Joe Perry's solo tour saying "I, Motherfucker, am the rainbow" (video included).

And all of this confusion? I blame Steven Tyler.

But, of course, you folks who've been here a while know that I blame Steven Tyler for everything. I drop my ice cream. I blame Steven Tyler. I stub my toe. *shakes fist at Steven Tyler* I dress too hip for the weather. Of course, I blame Steven Tyler because he invented dressing too hip for the weather.

Who knows what will happen. It is Steven Tyler, and from all accounts the man is messed up in a big way. Like one part of him wants the coverage that goes with becoming a Britney-like Hollywood trainwreck, and the other part of him can sing his ass off if he takes care of himself.

But, I will never forget that Steven Tyler Was The Fancy Chicken That Led To Amirama 2009. (WARNING: There's a penis link in that one.) Nor will I forget I Went To Hershey For A Concert That Was CANCELLED. Nor will I forget that it took FOREVER to get our money back (minus handling fees, of course). For all of these things and more, I blame Steven Tyler.

I bought us all Ed Hardy lighters that have a little LED light that changes colors in the clicker for that concert. Whenever Cousin Sis is around and someone needs a lighter, she whips hers out and says, "Here, let me use my $800 lighter for that," and she explains how hotels, Chocolate World, gas and expenses for a concert you didn't see and the only new thing you did get from it was a stinking blinking lighter = an $800 lighter. I believe she blames Steven Tyler too.

I am free from guilt in this world because Steven Tyler has assumed it all for me (and for you, too, if I'm the one doing the blaming) because: I blame Steven Tyler.

You should too.

Shit. I was going to add something else, but I forgot what it was. Of course, I blame Steven Tyler.