Steven Tyler is the Fancy Chicken who led to Amirama 2009

Warning: I am angry with Steven Tyler and the whole Aerosmith concert "postponement" debaucle. It's ugly in here. Enter at your own risk, because this is a man who's openly led his life in the past few years in a way that draws negative press and negative attention. Why a person doesn't expect others to pay a bit of attention to that, I wouldn't know. So, I'm letting her rip.

I am home again. Typing on my craptop, as opposed to my niece's laptop that has a completely different type of keyboard. I hope to leave you with a decreased number of encounters with words that make no sense whatsoever dropped into sentences as if I have some form of typing Tourrette's.

According to Reuters Blogs called "Fanfare", Steven Tyler has an "undisclosed injury" that is forcing the cancellations (so far, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Virginia), so I guess the scuttlebutt from AeroForceOne's forums (Aerosmith's official fan forum) that Steven hurt his leg may be true. I hope he mends well and, while his leg mending (if, indeed, that is what his problem is and it's not that management went "Eeek, Michael Jackson died...we'd bettered get Steve-a-rino cleaned up again") I hope they come up with a better explanation for why a singer couldn't perform with a leg injury. Last time we saw BB King (just a few years ago right here in Charleston, WV, at the Municipal Auditorium no less), he said his doctors made him perform sitting a chair now, and he was great. No one would have been disappointed at an impromptu acoustic set with everyone sitting down. Hell, we still would've liked to see ZZ Top regardless.

Really, the only type of band member I can see legitimately sidelined by a leg injury is a drummer or anyone else who has to use foot pedals that require force and dexterity that a cast, splint, or support would not enable them to overcome. Seriously, that drummer from Def Leppard made a stunning comeback with just one arm, didn't he? Hell, at this age, people would totally understand if Dude (looks like a lady) did his shows on a Segway or a Jazzy for that matter. Yes, it would look funny as hell and make for some interesting videos, but it would be a hell of a lot better than waiting until the afternoon before the show to "postpone" it (in quotes because it might as well be "cancel" for the folks who drove from timbuktu, east bumfuck, or bumfuck egypt, aka BFE), leaving a lot of folks roaming around pissed to the off. Ya see, it's the singing part that people came for.

And, if one is to believe his or her eyes at the totally not safe for work, children, or those who like a peener to be a full-sized wiener I Don't Like You in That Way's April 2007 shot of "Steven saying hello to his little friend" and his little friend apparently saying hell no right back (just click on the little box of Viagra tabs to see it in its at-the-beach-shrinkage glory shame), then ain't nobody showing up to see his dick either. Not even his dick.

And if one is to believe The Superficial dot com (whom I love because they have no shame; really, what use is shame?), from May 2008, as the headline reads: "Steven Tyler went to rehab for his foot; in related news: I can fly", the most recent girlfriend, whom The Superficial calls Jugs McCleavageston for this very reason:

...though I've seen old men with bigger boobs and tree bark that had deeper cleavage. As to the look on his face, either that's some fresh Botox at work or there's a mighty strong wind blowing his face back like the way the dog's lips will do when he sticks them out of a car window when you're flying down the road.

And this piece from Hollywood Backwash is just priceless. And I quote:

"Eye candy for everyone.

"Super hot bikini model Bar Refaeli for the fellas (and gals) and Joe Perry from Aerosmith for the girls (and guys) ….

….and then there’s Steven Tyler for the very fetish-y, freaky folks."

If you watch the YouTube video they have posted really closely, you'll see there's a part where Steven's microphone scarves have blown to show that Mr. Botox Rox just had to wear a leopard print thong in a shot or so himself. Who knows? He could have had plastic surgery because he looked like this on TMZ just a short while back:
If it's neither Botox nor plastic surgery, I want the people who did his make-up for that Victoria's Secret ad in the clip at Hollywood Backwash to do my make-up when I die. On second thoughts, fuck death: I need 'em here every fucking day.

While I've run out of room to share the joys of getting to see not one, but two places that had fancy chickens or the joys of Amish Country that I just never saw coming, it'll give me something to write about tomorrow.

Today, though, I felt like being a bitch. Hope you didn't mind.

PS: I caught up on the past two blogs' worth of comments, too.